acts.1.eight

memories are a strange thing.  it is.  amazing.  to me.  how you will not think of something for years.  and then. a song.  a smell.  and you are back in that place again.  seeing that person again.  feeling that feeling.  again.

my mom just bought a new house and as a result.  i needed to go home.  not home to that house.  but home to where she is.   to help her sort through memories.  to help throw away.  my sister was there.  and she asked if i would miss that house.  no.  it is not the house that is home to me.  but the memories that happened there.  i will still have those.  the house needs work.  the memories only need to be recalled.

i sorted through shoe boxes of stuff.  notes.  journals.  pictures.  random artifacts from days past.  days when football was king.  and when my heart believed in a certain kind of love.  i consulted jason stewart. wise beyond his years.  are memories disposable?  if you could throw away portions of you past would you?  memories are recycled.  he said.  they seem to disappear. but then sometimes they come back.

voluntary recall gets more difficult. each memory gets buried beneath new memories.  the reminders become more rare.  more scarce.  boxes.  of reminders.  i threw out.  i did not throw it all away.  just most.

there will be reminders that i will.  never.  get rid of.  songs that will cross my ears.  smells that will cross my nose.  i am glad for those reminders.

memories will be recycled.

- notre dame playing for the national championship… in hockey.  tomorrow.  how odd.  but exciting.

- we did our first live webcast this week.  went quite well.

- gunnar and i are riding the train to crosby next week.  i can’t wait to take him to my home again.

i went to fosston, mn this week.  the green t tour was there.  why in fosston?  i have no idea.  the green t tour is made up of capital lights, run kid run, and hawk nelson.  of course, being that run kid run was on the bill, that meant that my good friend ryan was there selling merch.  it took less then 2 hours to get there, but we still missed the majority of the show.  that’s the peril of working a real job.  hawk nelson was on the stage when we got there, so the fact that there was difficulty getting us on the guest list didn’t matter.  we did not even set foot in the gym during their set.  i don’t care for their music.  we’ll just leave it at that.

ryan seems to be doing well.  i think the realities of life on the road, music as a business, and the marketing of “christian” music seems to be wearing on him a bit.  but when your dream starts to become a job, i don’t doubt that it can be tiresome.  he had stories from the road.  some good, some funny, some bad, some disturbing.  all in all it was great to see him and the guys from run kid run.

the show itself was another experience altogether.  it took me back to the days when i was in junior high and high school and we would flock to see bands like audio adrenaline or newsboys.  however, i don’t seem to remember the overwhelming  cloud of body odor that hung around this crowd.  in the short time we were there, i too got to see glimpses of the excess of music as business.  no better example than the cheap plastic kazoos being sold for $3 each.  i don’t doubt you could find a bag full of the same kazoos at any party supply store for the same price.  not to be critical of the bands, because i understand they need to make a living, but at what point does artistic integrity win out over the need to sell one more cd or one more t-shirt?   do you strive to produce the art you are most proud of, or do you strive to produce the are that will sell the most copies?  is there really a difference?  i could tell by brief interactions with some of the people associated with the tour that they were not very satisfied with what they are doing with their art.

how does a person ever get comfortable with celebrity?  perhaps i would be perfectly capable of making the adjustment if in their shoes.  but i couldn’t help but wonder how a person gets comfortable with the idea of sitting on a comfortable tour bus while a bunch of high school students volunteer to load your gear into the trailer.  or how do you reminisce about the one year you toured in a van, when your tour mates are going on their 8th or 9th year in vans?  i’m not trying to single out any one band or any individuals.  they are probably good guys with good hearts.  it’s just difficult for me to understand celebrity.  how do you ever get to a point where you are comfortable with teenage girls yelling “marry me” outside your bus?  or signing your name in sharpie marker across some kids forehead?  what a strange existence that must be.

not to be lost in the mix, we saw a lady with gigantic bangs walk out of the school while we stood outside to get some fresh air.  it’s always good to see that the 1980s live on.

i’ve been meaning to write this week about some church related things.  or ministry related things.  or Jesus related things. or something.

first, last saturday i met with a friend from intervarsity christian fellowship.  he is the area director for north dakota and a couple of western minnesota schools.  basically.  he used to be my boss.  but we’re friends and he’s been good to me through all the trials of the last two years.  i have been meeting with others in the area lately to talk about the state of intervarsity on our campuses.  it’s been struggling the last couple of years.  i knew that our meeting likely had something to do with that.  additionally, the night before i found out that in all likelihood another of the staff would be leaving.  essentially that leaves two staff in the area to cover 5 or more campuses.  it came as no surprise that during the course of the conversation an invitation was extended for me to come on as a volunteer.  it would be an official volunteer position which means i would raise funds to cover expenses, but receive no compensation.  my reaction to the invitation was three fold.  initially, i met it with hesitation.  i explained that i would be hesitant to accept the offer for this reason:  i know that if i went back to the campus i would want to be there full time and financially that’s just not a possibility for me right now.  i feel like going back to volunteer would be teasing myself, to some extent.  the reality is though, if that’s my only hesitation, that’s not a huge deal.   my secondary reaction was flattery.  i think it’s obvious that i was good at what i was doing.  if not for a hiccup in my judgment, i’d still be an effective campus staff.  here’s where the third layer of my reaction comes into play.  iv is incredibly short staffed in our area right now.  with another staff member looking to move on, it’s looking pretty grim.  the prospects for new staff are relatively slim (i’m hopeful about a couple in our area).  the cynic in me wants to say that they are only approaching me now because they are desperate.  do i think there is an element of truth in my cynicism?  of course.  do i think that is the only reason they would invite me back to volunteer?  absolutely not.  so i have a decision to make in the near future.  pray for me on this.

second, church on sunday was good.  wait, let me rephrase that.  the sermon on sunday was good.  i felt like it was a return to our roots to some extent.  talking about living intentionally.  talking about building genuine friendships with people that aren’t christians.  and talking about letting witnessing happen in a natural and comfortable way.  living out what we believe, not just shoving our beliefs down the throats of others.  it was refreshing!

thirdly, more from the cynicism file. we get this little magazine at church each week. on more than one occasion i’ve found things about this magazine to be incredibly ridiculous.  this week was over the top.  the issue was touted as a “special financial edition”.  i was actually intrigued to look through it as we had just been talking this week about whether we are contributing to 401(k) plans and about roth ira stuff (i know, we’re getting old).  what i found instead was a running advertisement or a a financial services company that is affiliated with the denomination that produces this magazine.  i don’t know much about this company (i.e. – is it for- or non-profit?), but it was really frustrating to feel like they had dressed up a sunday newspaper advertising insert and called it a magazine.  something like 25 of the 32 pages had some mention of this company and the articles that were supposed to be discussion faith-based options and financial solutions only offered one option and one solution.  there was never a mention of any other faith-based financial services.  i have decided that i will no longer be taking any copies of this magazine and i’ve actually been working on a letter to the editor to express my frustration with them.  seems pretty ridiculous to be handing out something that is strictly advertising in church.

gunnar comes to visit this weekend.  i can’t wait!