acts.1.eight

read this great blog by my buddy sharby hoskins today.  he was discussing the idea of transitioning from a serious relationship to “just friends” status.  here was my favorite part:

“…the beautiful thing about a serious relationship is that you’ve mutually elevated the other above “friend” status.  You two are exclusive.  You are at a level that other friends are not.  You trust each other in a diffent way.  You deal with each other differently.  You dont mind 3A.M. phone calls because the other “couldn’t sleep”.  You get butterflies in your stomach when you are going to see each other.  You celebrate and experience things “friends” dont.  When a girl says she wants to be “just friends” it demotes you.  Where there was once something special, it has now become obsolete…”

relationships are a game of risk.  when you try to elevate the status of a relationship, you must ask your self if the potential payout is worth the potential loss. i, for one, am probably too willing to take the risk and jump. knowing full well that it may destroy what is an already fulfilling friendship, even when i have no idea what that person may really be like when the gears change from friends to romance.   i cannot understand or relate to those that aren’t willing to take the risk.  those that have built a deep, loving friendship with a member of the opposite sex and yet aren’t willing to take the risk of trying a romantic relationship.  the reality is strong that if you don’t take the risk, eventually you will lose that person anyway.  either they will meet someone and your friendship will have to be reduced, or you will meet someone and your friendship will have to be reduced.  why not take the risk and really see where your deep friendship could take you?

it seems to me that most friendships, if really worthwhile, will recover from the attempt at relationship elevation.  while i have certainly had friendships that have faded as a result of the risk, i have never lost a friend over it.  two of my highest quality female friends are girls i used to date.  taking the chance on them as something more was worth it for me.  i don’t ever have to wonder what might have been.

any thoughts?

i’ve been thinking a lot lately.  about what’s next for me.  about where to go.  about whether to stay.  and while no answers seem to come from myself or from any outside source.  from time to time.  options seem to fade from the scene.

so the things that seemed so obviously next only a month ago.  are now fading in the rear view mirror.  and it appears i’ll be in fargo for some time longer.  about which i am fairly.  unsettled.  i guess indecision is one method of making a decision.  eventually.  i’ll just stay.  not because this is the best.  or because it is right.  but because it just is.  and nothing else will be.

but my friends are here.  my family is close.  my church remains.

soon i will have a place to rest my head.  and perhaps someday.  my shoulder will be the resting place for the head of someone else.

not today.

little highway lights they shine
i have not been feeling well for about a week now.  there are days that i think i am coming out of it only to wake up the next morning still stuck.  or with some new malady to greet me.  it cannot be a lack of sleep.  i have been getting plenty lately.  and i am trying to drink more water and take good care of myself.  i will come out of it soon.

thanksgiving cannot come soon enough.  while it is the ushering in of my least favorite time of year.  i love the thanksgiving holiday.  it is more about family and time spent.  rather than stuff and money spent.  and this year.  i will have my family.  my son.  for an extended period.

and a break from the grind.

three things that have had significant impact on my life, my outlook, and my well-being:

as i mentioned in my last post, i did not get the job in the minneapolis area. i had interviewed for a student services position that would have been a great fit for me. obviously, they did not think i was nearly as good a fit as i thought i was. so as a result, my life has moved towards chaotic. my roommate and i had put in our two months notice on our apartment with the anticipation that i would be moving out of fargo in the near future. this job seemed like that ticket out. so as of right now, i am living in the basement of a house with a family from my church. the majority of my stuff is locked up in a storage unit. and life is up in the air. obviously, i still have my current job. but i’m now at a point where i have to re-evaluate what is next. do i continue to look for jobs in minneapolis and see this merely as a set-back? or do i settle in to fargo again and consider the door closed on minneapolis for now? it has never been that i am dying to leave fargo, or that i’m desperate to move to minneapolis.  but their has likely never been a better time for me to make that kind of change.  i think it’s a matter of trust at this point.

the day i got the news about the job, life saw another twist thrown my way.  my mom called to let me know that my dad had just called her.  he wanted my phone number so that he could give me some information about someone he knows in minneapolis.  over the course of the next couple of days, he probably called me 10 times.  all while i was at work.  i have not called him back yet.  the timing is bad and i want to go into my first conversation with him with a clear head and a calm spirit.  those are two things that do not describe me at this point in my life.

not long ago.  right around the time of my last full post.  i went on a date.  a girl that i have long been friends with.  and we had a great time.  and there will likely be more dates.  or at least i hope.

bored and extremely dangerous
i feel really disconnected from life right now.  i’m living a lot further away from downtown.  i don’t talk to certain friends as much right now.  i feel unplugged.

i have received and interesting mix of reactions to what was written in the post titled “not on rex manning day.”  most recently, a very genuine thank you.  certainly not a reaction i ever expected to receive.

notre dame is brutal this year.  they are very young and should get better in the coming years.  but they seem destined to never be better than 10-2 or 9-3 even in their best years.  in their not so good years, 4-8 seems pretty reasonable.

the great temptation right now is to be relevant.   to have the world accept and appreciate and understand.  to turn stones into bread and feed the hungry (myself included).  i try so hard to impress the world.  to provide for myself.  perhaps irrelevance is the key.  whatever that may look like.

and last night i saw my son crawl for the first time.  and the smile on my face reflected the explosion in my heart.  and i have reason.

i didn’t get the job.