acts.1.eight

after what had developed into overwhelming discouragement seemed to overtake my entire scope, i finally had things to be excited about.

the beginning was rough.  i had nothing.  not even rejection.  just complete silence.  i vented to friends each night about my lack of movement.  i woke up early mid-week and shared my frustration with the rev.  he, of course, being torn between wanting what is the plan for me and hoping that plan includes staying in fargo.  a struggle shared by many.  and at times by myself. 

and when an unexpected, hopeful phone call revealed only another person looking to get me involved with a personal franchising opportunity, i was at my end.  and my lack of faith proved to be irresponsible.  first a phone call, then a phone interview, then a request for a face-to-face interview on location.  and in the course of a week, things are looking up.  while not settled yet, certainly it feels good to be moving towards that end instead of my own. 

meanwhile, i watched as two friends’ life-consuming pursuit of music came to a screetching stop.   perhaps temporary.  but no small road block, in the grand scheme.

a peacful sunday afternoon walk.  and it’s all ok.  for me (+1).

top five songs about death… a quick to fall tribute list.

leader of the pack. dude totally beefs it.

dead man’s curve. jan and dean.

….

there is something to be said for friendship and loyalty. sometimes, for some people, business gets in the way. and some people will have all the justifications in the world for why and their reasons may even be sound, but it doesn’t change the fact that they’ve just shattered relationships. success gained at the expensive of others and at the expensive of relationships is rarely, if ever, justified.

so paint pictures of how this is about ministry. but the reality is that you’ve left the hearts of other people to drown in the wake. that’s not love. that’s not righteous. that’s not justifiable.

they will know you are His disciples by your love for one another.

your songs of hope and perservence are certain to fade.  without substance to back them up, they will leave nothing behind but empty style.

an image you’ve been trying to construct.

try leading by example next time.

as for this “friend”, you’ve lost any respect you may have had in the past. i’m tired of the false fronts. i’m tired of the politics.   

i forgive you. and i still love you. but as for reconciliation, that’s another subject altogether.

good luck washing the blood from your hands.

it’s been a long week.

it was not without strange occurrences.  some exciting and some discouraging.

to begin, i went to minneapolis last week to follow up on some job possibilities.  it went well, but not as well as i had hoped.  some of the things i hoped to get done while there did not pan out.  so i struggled friday afternoon with the decision of whether or not to stay there for the weekend, or to head back to fargo and jump on the train to nw nd.  i chose the former and got to hang out with mike albertson.  we did a late lunch with his sister and brother-in-law and then we headed to the gopher football game.  i slept in a bit on sunday and then loaded up and headed out to see gunnar at his mom’s for a couple of hours that afternoon.  we let him try a sippy-cup for the first time and i gave him a few small tastes of vanilla ice cream.  this weekend he will be here with me.  i’m looking forward to it.

i came back to fargo sunday night and i hung out with jason stewart and adam.  we failed at our attempt to play some blackjack (this was apparently the one thing adam wanted me to do with him once he found out that i may be moving) so we went back to my place and ordered pizza.  mikey b was our delivery guy so that was fun.  we fell asleep quite late (or early depending on your perspective).  i woke up the next morning, had some coffee and then the three of us grabbed some breakfast.  i spent the rest of the day relaxing, napping, and doing laundry.  not a bad labor day all-in-all.

tuesday brought perhaps the most bizarre event, at least of the week… possibly of the last 6 months.   a woman walked into my office, said she was looking for me, introduced herself.  my confusion was apparent, and the following exchange occurred.

her: “my maiden name is ‘dunham’”
me: “ah, so you’re my relative.”
her: “we’re cousins.  my kids would be your second cousins.  so i’m your first cousin, once removed.”
me: “that’s cool.”

she had been at a birthday party for my great aunt dolly, on my dad’s side, in kansas city over the weekend and it was there that she met my sister.  she lives in fargo and works near where i work, so she stopped in and said hello.  she also brought pictures from the weekend.  some of which included my sister.  and my dad.  and my sister with my dad.  

if you know much about me, you know my dad and i have not seen each other in 10 years or so.  you also know we have not spoken in 12 years or so.  you also likely know that my sister has also not seen or spoken with him in a similar period.  it was strange enough to see this tough looking, old man that is my father, let alone to see him with my sister.  i haven’t had a chance to talk to her directly about it yet, but i’ve heard from my mom that it went good at points, and bad at points. 

seeing the pictures threw my day off. 

oh, there was home
the remainder of the week was not without it’s oddities.  nothing bad.  just the unexpected.  but exciting at the same time. 

some people just bring drama to the table.  i know i do from time to time.  but others seem to create it where it wouldn’t normally or wouldn’t need to exist.  they play to the people they are in front of, chosing words to paint themselves in the most positive light.  even though the words are true, they are rarely the whole truth.  the more genuine they try to paint themselves, the less genuine they seem.  the more they try to appear the good guy, the less good they begin to appear.  they start to seem manipulative.  they seem to take advantage of those around them that are willing to listen and believe them.  they are a victim, a martyr, or a hero.  it just depends on what side of the story they want you to hear.  frustrating.

the drama doesn’t discourage me.  it doesn’t take away the excitment or the hope.  i know it will pass.  and i know there will be more from other sources.  but it won’t get me down.

so much to say.  so little time.  so little energy. 

so it is.