acts.1.eight

minneapolis has been good to me.  my friend mark and i had some great conversations.  i’ve been able to spend time out on my own.  exploring the city and some of the campuses that i am interested in working at.  searching for jobs is a slow process.  mark connected me with some people he knows and i’ve been in touch with them already.  it’s difficult though.  it takes time.  i have submitted some materials to a couple of leads, but i need to be patient.  especially with schools.   they always have a process which much be followed and no amount of calling or trying to speak to someone from human resources can speed that up.  that’s not to say some extra contact isn’t helpful for getting your name on their mind.

it seems as though every time i come here, i entertain the thoughts of moving here.  this time was different though.  this was more of an actual fact finding journey for me.  i went to grocery stores.  paid attention to gas prices.  inquired about housing options.  i spent more time alone than i normally would have.  trying to get a feel for the place on my own.  if i moved here, i couldn’t expect others to be available all the time.  i can’t expect anyone to hold my hand.  i don’t doubt that there would be friends to help me get acclimated.   in fact, that’s one of the more attractive selling points of this place.  it wouldn’t be like starting over entirely.  i think i could be comfortable here and i don’t feel like a move here would be sacrificing too much.  it would not be too painful.  although, the pain would be there.  my roots are fairly deep in fargo and i know that pulling them up would come with some difficulty.

as always, time will tell.

gunnar felix came to visit this weekend.  sort of.  and what i mean by sort of is that we spent most of our weekend in grand forks, not in fargo.  gunnar’s mom was in a wedding on saturday, so i had to go to grand forks friday to pick him up.  the couple that got married had purchased a tux for gunnar to wear, so i had agreed to take him to the wedding.  as opposed to driving back and forth between grand forks and fargo, we just stayed at my aunt and uncle’s house in grand forks.  saturday was a day of first for gunnar and i am so glad that i got to be a part of it.  he wore a tuxedo for the first time.  he and i went to a wedding together for the first time.  but the pinnacle, for me at least, came after the wedding.  gunnar and i went to his first football game.

the north dakota shrine all-star football games were in town that day.  three guys from my high school were playing in the 9-man game.  so i took full advantage of the opportunity to share this experience with my son.  we got to the game a bit late and didn’t stay for a long time.  but, for me, it was awesome to be there with him.  gunnar got scared the first time that the crowd cheered, but otherwise he was cool as can be the whole time.  i know that he won’t remember it, but it is a memory that i will be able to tell him about it later.  we are laying the foundation for our growing father/son relationship.  even if he never plays or doesn’t even like football, i got to share with him something that means a lot to me.  it was awesome.

don’t be afraid to run
i am in minneapolis today.  seeing some old friends and exploring some other possibilities.  renewing some old connections and making some new ones.   right now i’m at the hard times cafe.  taking it all in.  listening in on a conversation between mark and the new area director for the twin cities with intervarsity.  what a life.  i can’t believe i’m here and i can’t believe what it took to get to this point.  i know that the ride is just beginning.  more to come…

last night i stayed out late hanging out with jason stewart and kait.   we, apparently, had much to talk about.  about faith.  about the church.  about playing guitar.  about girls (mostly with regard to me).

we want to be better followers.  better disciples.  jason talked about the need to remember the truth of scripture.  when our days seem bad.  we need to remember what we’ve been promised.  who God says He is.  what He says He will do.

most of you know that i read a blog called dumb little man’s tips for life.   this week they had an entry about 12 things to do to jump start your life.  so i read it.  and there were a few things that i’ve already done.  i wrote down all the commitments, activities, and relationships that i have in my life and i’m starting to analyze them.  i’m trying to determine which ones are necessary (meaning i can’t get rid of them), which ones are essential (meaning i would put more time and energy into them if i could), and which ones are dispensable.  it feels fairly selfish, especially when it comes to relationships.  but i have been trying my best lately to reduce clutter in my life.  in my apartment, on my desk at work.  i think i need to do the same in my whole life.  if it’s just taking up space, why keep it?

the other thing it recommended, which i’ve decided to try, is to write a personal mantra.  now, don’t get worried about the hindu implications of that word.  dictionary.com tells me that it can mean a repeated word or phrase.  i suppose you could call it a motto, or something else, but i think mantra is kind of a cool word.  anyways.  the point is that you have this phrase that you use, that can apply to all things you do, that helps you stay focused on the things you want to stand for.  for example, wendy’s might have the mantra “healthy fast food.”  it’s short and simple.  and everyone in the company can know it and apply it to the way they do their job.  it keeps them focused on the mission of the company, without having to try and remember a lengthy mission statement.  so i decided to come up with a mantra for myself.  something that can help me remain focused.  that i can apply to all aspects of my life.  so i decided on this:  be His witness.  it comes from acts 1:8, which says, “but you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be My witnesses in jerusalem, and in all judea and samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”  i chose this, because i want to be a witness in all aspects of my life.  my job.  my commitments.  my relationships.  and i need to realize that it’s not by my own power that i do this.  but rather it’s the power of the Holy Spirit.  now, when i’m stuck at my desk at work, i can remind my myself, “be His witness.”  when i am frustrated with people, “be His witness.”  when i want to turn my alarm off and sleep all day, “be His witness.”

i think it fits in well with a lot of things that jason and kait and i talked about last night.  i want my whole life to reflect the fact that i follow Jesus.  i don’t want it to be limited to my church life, rather it should extend to my career and my hobbies and my interactions.

you live and you burn
twice this week, i have been asked by friends how the girl situation in my life is working out.  i do not mean that i have been asked about any specific girl, or any specific situation.  just how things are in general.  of course, my answer is, “no, i’m not seeing anyone.”  and then i explain that things are not necessarily conducive to a relationship right now, which is true.  and then i explain how despite the circumstance, i would really like to meet someone (and by meet someone, i really mean find a girl that i like who also likes me back.  this does not necessarily mean someone that i have not met previously).

i told jason about this last night.  about the conversations.  and he said that people ask me because they know that i am a good catch.  this got me thinking.  what does that mean exactly? a good catch?  if i am such a good catch, why has no one caught me yet?  it’s cheesy, i know.  but i started to compare it, in my mind, to fishing.  like say i am the fish, and the girls are the ones fishing.  fishing requires patience.  you can fish for hours and never catch one that is worth keeping.  the keepers are hard to come by.  and on the other side of the water is me, the fish that has no intention of being caught by just anyone.  i may swim past many lures, without even noticing.  i may nibble at the bait and realize it is not for me.  i am waiting for the right lure, the right bait, before i take the line.

go ahead, make fun of me for my fishing metaphor.  i know it’s lame.

let me tell you something about myself. i’m no fashion bug. i don’t think i’m all that great at picking out clothes for myself. i just wear what i like and what fits and what is comfortable to me.

since i have started working in a job that requires me to dress professionally, it has been difficult to find clothes for work that fit the above requirements. so for the most part i have had to chose things based on their look, moreso than comfort or personally style. by personal style, i mean i like t-shirts more than button down shirts and i like pearl-snap cowboy cut shirts over standard collared dress shirts.

essentially, my ability to chose has been been reduced very much to color and pattern. my tastes are simple but specific. here’s what i prefer:

color: i strongly dislike pastels and prefer strong, rich colors (i.e. – navy or royal blue, not light or pale blues). i don’t mind some earthy tones like brown or forrest green, but again they should be rich not pale. ultimately, if i could realistically work out a wardrobe that consisted of white, black, red and gray, i’d be really satisfied.
patterns: again, pretty simple tastes here. i prefer my pants and shirts in solid colors, although, some pinstripes are acceptable. when it comes to sweaters (which i do wear during the colder months) i also prefer solids, but i have one sweater with a basic argyle pattern, only on the front, that i like. for my ties, i prefer diagonal stripes and again, solid colors. i also don’t mind some simple, classic patterns. but many ties that i see in stores make me sick to my stomach.

today, i walked out of the office and ran into one of the instructors and she said to me, “do you always wear black? i might have to call you johnny cash!”

i call that a compliment.

life continues to move at a break-neck pace. this weekend was awesome and i am so glad that was able to get away from fargo for a couple of days. i also got to spend an entire weekend with some of my favorite people on the planet. after the hell i have felt over the past two weeks or more, it was a great way to break out of it.

i am coming to some realizations. some on my own. some courtesy of my mom. some courtesy or my friends. i am realizing that i have it pretty good. i am realizing that there are some changes that need to be made. i am realizing that who i am, is not who i have perceived myself to be over this past year. as difficult as things are, or will become in the future, i posses all the things that i need to overcome.

and every now and then, i get a taste of hope. and even if that hope turns into disappointment, i don’t ever want to give it up. i really think that when Jesus said that he came to bring us abundant life, he meant that our highs would be abundantly high but also that our lows sould be abundantly low. he wants us to experience all that life has to offer, positive and negative. i think he wants it that way to keep us coming back to him. while we may still hope for things in this world, we will put our faith and trust in him. he is the only thing that won’t turn into disappointment. so here i go. bring it on life. i’m ready for the highs and lows that are about to come. and i’m ready to rely on Jesus to take me through it all.