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i have always been a bit of a jerk. or at least shown flashes of being such. i have a tendency to pick on other people, including my friends. i’m sure there is some deep explanation that includes a lack of self-esteem or something. but i think what it comes down to is a case of not thinking before i say something.
last night was a prime example of this.
i said something to a friend that was hurtful. thinking it would be funny. and it wasn’t.
i’m afraid that apologies don’t always do justice when we hurt our friends. yes, of course i will apologize. i feel terrible that i hurt her. but i think at times we think apologies should mean we are off the hook and free of any consequence. i don’t think that is very fair. she has to deal with the sting of what i said and i get to walk away comfortably because i said “i’m sorry”?
rather i think apologies should be springboards for change. i don’t need to poke fun at my friends like i do. i should recognize the fact that i can hurt someone with my words. i need to use my words to build up and encourage those whom i claim to love so much.
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John,
Comment by Anonymous 24 May 07 @ 1224 amI think we all do this once in awhile. It’s human nature I suppose. I have never once even had an inkling that you had a jerkish streak in you. You have always been kind and friendly. We all have moments where we “joke” or “jab” at our friends expense. Usually, it goes over well with a little laugh or giggle. Sometimes, on a rare occasion, we hurt a feeling, touch a nerve or have our feelings hurt. This is NORMAL. That is why God created forgiveness. Forgiveness starts with yourself. You accept you made a mistake, forgive yourself for it, then go to the person whom you have hurt(and to God). That person, will undoubtly forgive you, and if not that’s cause for further discussion. At any rate, that is all that God requires of us. Forgive and be Forgiven. Now, if that person does NOT forgive you, that is something that person must take up with God. That is a personal debate, that should no longer include you.
It took me a really long time to learn how to forgive myself. But once I figured out how to recognize my wrongs, forgive myself for my mistakes and ask God’s forgiveness, and the people that I have hurt, life became alot smoother. But, it started in my own heart. I also find, that since I started to recognize my flaws, I have fewer of them. Once you pinpoint whats wrong, its easier to fix!
These are all things I know you know. But, I just thought I’d refresh your memory a bit…hope it helped! ~ARF
i think its a cruel reality that those that get closest to us can hurt us the most… but they also have the potential to heal… it will be okay… time doesn’t heal… love does… you got that, so you’re good…
Comment by i am 6 yrs old in my mind 24 May 07 @ 349 amYou’re a schmuck John.
– A bigger schmuck
Comment by Anonymous 30 May 07 @ 634 am