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my thoughts last week frequently wandered to pine ridge. it marked one year from when we were there last year. i re-read a lot of the journal entries that i wrote while i was there and it made me sad. i wish i had been there again this year. i still think of that place often. i want to share a bit from what i wrote on the last day:
within the next hour we will leave pine ridge indian reservation. by tonight i will be back in my world, in my own comfort zone. i’ve been thinking about the questions people might ask me when i get back and how i should answer them. i don’t feel like any words will really convey what’s here. i can’t say i feel any sense of accomplishment. i’m not even sure i’ve changed. i still have many of the same things and people occupying my time as i did this time last week. although, this time last week seems to be an eternity away now. that’s the major difference right now. i feel as though i’ve been away from my life for far more than 8 days. i feel like i’ve aged in years, not just days. not matured though, just aged. i know that might sound strange, but like i said, good words are hard to come by to really tell the story of this week.
the last two nights after everything wound down, i walked to a convenience store called ‘big bats’ with the guys from und. honestly, i think the time spent there was second only to white clay in terms of reality. we sat around drinking sodas, eating junk, i sucked on cough drops, and a handful of cigarettes were smoked. but it was the people we met there and talked to that really mattered. we were greeted by many people, especially older men saying things like, “welcome white man. welcome to lakota country.” i was absolutely amazed by the kindness they showed and the way their dark and leathered skin seemed to soften as we talked and shook hands. … a man named wallace walked home with us on thursday night … he told me he doesn’t want to live to be an old man. it’s sad, but the truth is he probably won’t. i am interested to come back next year, this might sound awful, but i’m already wondering who will be dead when we get back.
this place needs the hope of Jesus Christ. this place needs more than just short-term missionary work. this place needs workers who are willing to live and die here. … i know i’ll be back; i can’t forget this place. i won’t forget this place. (8:41 am mst, march 18, 2006; pine ridge, sd)
i have especially been thinking about chuck white butterfly lately. if you have never heard me talk of him, ask me sometime. i’d love to tell you about my time there and the people. my heart breaks for that place….
a vial of hope and a vial of pain
jason stewart and justin and i had a sleep over about 10 days ago. i know. we’re too old for sleep overs or something… but we did it anyway. of course we talked about girls i mentioned to them that i want the following from my future girlfriend/wife.
- she must love Jesus above all else, me included (a no brainer)
- she will love the people around her with her whole heart; her friends, her family, her community.
- if she has any love left at the end of the day, she will want to share it with me.
